Twenty-three-year-old Ememobong Nyong tells to AYOOLA OLASUPO how, as a teen, a forceful Deoxyribonucleic Acid test revealed he is not the son of the man he thought was his father, and his journey from rejection, pain, and a determined effort to reclaim a hopeful future.
Excerpts:
How did you know about the DNA test result that kept you away from those you had known as your family?
I found out about it when my father’s siblings decided to take a DNA test. My father didn’t want it because he didn’t know what a DNA test was. I wanted to speak up for my dad when his siblings came to our house because I felt he was oppressed by them.
I always pondered why they spoke to my dad without respect. I always challenged them and said, Why are you doing this to my dad? Is this how you respect your elder brother because he didn’t go to school? He was a carpenter, trying to help the family.
It wasn’t that he didn’t have the opportunity to go to school. He didn’t want to then because he wanted to focus only on his skills. But I used to see him (my father) give his siblings who went to school money while I was growing up. At the time, he was making money and helping his siblings with it to attend school.
So, I later realised that I took it too far, having started a quarrel with my aunts and uncles because I started misbehaving at home. At one point, I needed them to help me with money because I needed money to pay for my school fees.
I had just got admission to study at the University of Uyo in 2021, and in 2022, the ASUU’s indefinite strike started. I approached my dad for the money, but because he did not have it, he asked me to meet his sisters. I did not go there because I knew they were going to insult me.
So, I went to my uncle for acceptance and school fees. He said I should go back to my father and ask him, and I told him what all of them said. But I was sure my dad had money with them.
Why did you say so?
They sold a family property, and my dad had not received his share, based on what my dad told me. He said his siblings were keeping the money for him so that he wouldn’t spend it lavishly.
What inspired the DNA test?
At a young age, I heard them saying that my dad is not my biological father and that I didn’t resemble him. Then, I used to think it was a normal joke and that they were not serious about it since my dad didn’t raise any doubt about my identity.
So, I felt that spirit of not being loved by my dad’s siblings. As a child, I felt what is called maltreatment; maybe it was because my dad’s family felt I was not part of the family, and that was because my mum and my dad were not legally married before they had me.
I learnt that my mum came to my dad with the pregnancy, but he denied it. However, he later agreed to take responsibility, so I’ve been with my dad the whole time. I knew my mum, but she later died. If she were alive, it would have been very easy for me because the DNA test was conducted 19 years after I was born.
What made the story sad for me was that my mum is not alive to tell me about my biological father, so the issue is not all about me; it’s also about my supposed father because I’m the only child of that man. I found out that he got married last year because I saw the post on social media.
But what other factor prompted the DNA test?
It was my stubbornness. At some point, I started doing things that I ought not to do at a youthful age. I was involved in gambling till I became deeply addicted to it. This is not an excuse, but I wasn’t fed well at all, and gambling almost destroyed my life.
At 17 or 18 years, I was addicted to it to the extent that I started stealing from our house; I even stole my dad’s laptop, sold it, and used the money to gamble. When he asked me about it, I lied to him. But after some months, I confessed to my uncle and apologised to him.
I told him I took the laptop because I needed money for personal things, and no one was ready to help me. My dad was not buoyant enough to help me, and no one was ready to help me.
I was just doing things by myself. My dad was not even financially stable enough to take care of me anymore because things were not working out for him, and that was why I had the mentality that if I gambled and won, I would take him out of poverty.
I felt the way my dad was being treated, so I had to show my anger to everybody to the extent of threatening my aunt. I never thought anything would happen that would make them go for a DNA test.
So, it was because of what I did that they decided that I was not part of their family. After the DNA test, my aunt said I should look for my dad elsewhere because her brother was not my father. But my mum is late, so how would I know how to find my father?
How old were you when your mother died?
I think I was between 13 and 14 years old.
What do you do for a living?
Secondary school is my highest level of education, but I’m currently attending classes and learning online about Forex trading.
You had a poor relationship with members of your extended family. How convenient was it for you to follow them to where the DNA test was conducted?
I was arrested, and it was a forceful thing. One guy arrested and detained me for two to three days. I didn’t know if he worked for the DSS, but he locked me up in his house, gave me food to eat, and followed me anywhere I went. He was always with me; even if I wanted to go to the toilet, he would follow me. At first, I thought I had been kidnapped.
Was your dad aware of your detention?
I wouldn’t know if he was aware. After three days, they took me to the clinic, and it was only me, three policemen, a man who they said worked for the DSS, a lawyer, and one female medical personnel. So, I was scared and started shouting, ‘Where is my dad? Why do you guys want to do this? Why is my dad not here?’
I did not want to do the test because there was a question I had asked them: ‘What if the test result says I’m not the man’s son, how would I know my dad?’ They said they didn’t know that, and that they only wanted to be sure that my DNA is part of their family’s DNA.
So, they did not allow me to speak to my dad because I wanted to talk to him before the DNA test. They forcefully opened my mouth and put something on my jaw, and after three weeks, the result was out. They arrested me again and handed me over to the police, saying that I’m not part of their family.
So, when my uncle came to our house, he threw my bag outside and asked me to leave the house. Then, I became confused because I did not know how I was going to lead my life without a family. I had already spent 19 years of my life with the man they said was not my father. It’s only my maternal grandma who was trying to care for me, although she is also married to another man now.
Did you doubt the result?
I doubted the results because it was funny to me. Even if I had wanted to do it by myself, where would I get the money to do the test when I was just 19 or 20? So, I was just looking at the result. I didn’t even know what was written there. I was so sad and traumatised at the same time.
Different thoughts started coming to my mind. When the result came out, the police called my maternal grandma. She came and did not say anything. I asked myself why they did not call her to also be there when they wanted to do the DNA test.
Why are you doing the DNA test now when they know that my mother is not alive? Why was there no maternal family member there? My grandma asked them all those questions.
How did the discovery affect your trust in people, especially your family?
I don’t trust anybody anymore because after the discovery, I was thrown out of the house. So, if my family could do that to me, anybody can do anything. I lived for over a year without any family, so I had to relocate from Akwa Ibom to Lagos State.
Did your maternal family take the responsibility to look after you when you were thrown out?
My grandmother was always trying, but she was not financially buoyant at all. I stayed with her for some time. Since there was nobody to sponsor my education, I stopped going to school, and I went to Lagos, where I worked at a hospital as a waiter serving patients.
Have you made any effort to look for your biological father?
I was speaking to these people, but they had to block me on all social media so that I would not be able to reach out to anybody. Before I separated from the man, he had told me that when my mother was pregnant and came to him, he denied it, but after a family discussion with a pastor, he accepted and was ready to take full responsibility.
That was why his family kept saying that I didn’t belong to him and that my mother knew what she was doing. They told me all kinds of stories about my mum. They said she always slept around.
How were you able to move on after the trauma you experienced?
It was very simple. I don’t like to see my life in crisis, and at one point, I decided to end it all because I wanted to commit suicide. At that moment, my mentality had changed, and even if I made it, I didn’t have anybody as my family who would be proud of me. I had that stupid thought and mentality, but I never thought about myself.
I felt like I had no family; even if I got married, where would I say I’m from? I don’t know my real hometown; I don’t know where I’m from. It’s really crazy whenever I think about it. When I see other people’s families, I think about what has happened to me.
Sometimes, I cry and become bitter about myself. No day passed without something coming to my mind. But I later found peace when I found Christ. There’s no way I won’t remember the issue, but when I pray, I won’t remember it. It has become something normal because every minute, I cry, sleep, wake up, and continue with my life. – Culled from Punch.
